My last real post was over 2 weeks ago, and even though I have started several other pieces, I am yet to finish any. Why? I am struggling. No I’m not perfect, although that’s the aim (Matthew 5:48) I haven’t gotten there yet. I have my flaws too. Be reassured, I haven’t lost my way. I’m still rather enthusiastic and passionate about the Lord. Still standing for holiness lol.
We all have something or somethings we struggle with in our social and spiritual lives. Some people struggle with fornication, their marriage, lying, parenting, communicating, masturbation, lust, stealing, partying, cursing and the list goes on. But me, I struggle with balance. I may or may not have shared this before but I am a very impulsive, ‘in the moment’ kind of person. Schedules aren’t my thing. I do not like to be restricted or limited; boxed in. Additionally, I’m a person of two extremes, unfortunately. It’s all or nothing, there is no in between. Hence, my struggle. I author this blog and I’m very involved in ministry, worship etc, that’s where my heart is; my all. Since my overindulgence in the Lord over the Christmas holiday, it’s been almost impossible for me to rediscover interest in school; my nothing. I honestly wish I was at home going to church everyday, fasting, praying, reading my bible, spiritual books, writing, among other things as much as I please, but I have school. I said to my mentor I don’t want to be here because I think it’s taking up Jesus time. She said school is Jesus time 👀, I’m still trying to wrap my finger around that.
I have been making efforts since January and I am yet to find a middle ground, I am yet to find balance. As soon as I start giving school attention I realize that my closet time is suffering, I pray less, fast less. Likewise, when I’m giving ministry attention, my attitude is like “what is school?” and that simply cannot be. But let me tell you where I believe I went wrong. Sometimes we may not think we’re limiting God, but we are. I may not have expressed that the Lord can’t prosper me on my academic walk like He has been doing on my journey to purpose, but that’s clearly my mindset. I’m over here battling on my own trying to figure this thing out when my God asked me if there’s ANYTHING He can’t do. Jeremiah 32:27: “Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for me?” I’m not struggling with school because it’s hard. It’s hard yes, but I can do school. I’m struggling because I’m not disciplined. What have I tried? I made a detailed enough timetable, trying this schedule thing because although I’m not fond of it, I clearly need some order. This timetable has school and spiritual activities on there but guess what? I’ve only been doing the spiritual stuff, even when it’s time to study. My mind is not there. I always want to read and study the word, so much that if I say to someone “I’m studying” they immediately think bible and not school work. I always want to share on my Facebook page/timeline or my blog about the Lord. I always want to worship, but I never want to study for school. Upon noticing that I have a real problem on my hands, I started to pray more seriously because clearly my efforts are futile and my school life needs Jesus. I prayed and nothing happened. Is it because God can’t do it? No. I just don’t have enough faith to believe and be confident that He not only can heal and protect, but He can make me get good grades too, with me doing my part of course. Lol I said to my Pastor that it seems as though my prayers are effective for everything else but school, but that’s not the problem. If you need brain surgery and someone you know to be a plumber approaches you offering to perform the task, would you allow s/he? No. Similarly, I have never opened the door for the Lord to work in that capacity before, I have never given Him the chance to prove that He can make me a honor student, so I don’t have enough faith that He can. I prayed, but I didn’t believe. Mark 11:23 says “For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and SHALL NOT DOUBT IN HIS HEART, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.”
Yes, I pray when I’m studying and sitting exams but I now know, that like my spiritual life it’s going to take more than puny efforts, I’m going to have to work hard just the same because even when I develop the faith I need, faith without works is dead (James 2:20). I also need to understand that the authority and power I’m given is not only there to trample upon serpents and scorpions, but also to speak things as though they were! To command things and watch it come to pass. Therefore, I have the power to speak to my mind and command it to be receptive to knowledge! I have the authority to decree good grades and a balance between school and my spiritual life. I have authority to look at my life and command that everything be done decently and in order (1 Corinthians 14:40). So saints, I’m here battling with umpteen assignments and exams, and ministry. The bittersweet reality is that ministry is winning.
I have to remind myself that I am the head and not the tail; above and not beneath, thus for example, I can’t be perpetually getting Cs. I can’t keep producing mediocre work. Misrepresenting Christ does not only mean living a life of sin subsequent to or while professing Him. It also means, as a Child of God, living a substandard life, a life that does not line up with his decrees and promises. So your issue may not be getting mediocre grades but it may be that you’re saved and using illegal electricity and water. Or that you haven’t repaid your many loans. Didn’t God say He’ll make you the lender and not the borrower (Deuteronomy 28:12)? And that you’ll prosper in all things (3 John 1:2)? And that His thoughts towards you are good (Jeremiah 29:11)? God is not man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19) so the problem clearly lies among us. Your misrepresentation may be relying on a sugar daddy to get by, or even fabricating a recommendation for the child of the owner of the car you’re driving. Your misrepresentation may be slacking off at work. Evaluate yourself. What are your struggles today? In what way/s have you been misrepresenting? Don’t shrug them off. Invite God in to help you deal with them, having enough faith that He can. Speak to your struggle and declare victory! Look at your circumstances and decree that peace be still! Look into your life and declare that you won’t compromise. I’m working on creating a balance because I must do ministry and I must do school for the next year or so. You must do life also and do it well. Work on creating that balance, commanding that situation. Above all, work on representing Christ well in all facets of life.
Regards, Tamalcia J.