As you all know I’m in my second year at University, and if you’re familiar with UWI’s (or most Universities) system you’ll know it’s mid semester (exams) time. Now since this academic year begun I made sure to “hit the ground running” because, let’s just say my previous year was a wake up call for me. My course is theory based and is A LOT of reading so I tried to start reading on the first day of school. 2 weeks ago we got our exam dates and for the second time I have three exams on one day (and a presentation).
About two years ago the part of me that loved to worry and fret died; I found peace and rest in the arms of He who controls all. So when everyone is scurrying around and throwing tantrums I’m taking my tasks one by one. But I’ve found that I only trust God (or think I do) when it looks like I can cover everything in time. But when it’s Friday night and I realize that I haven’t finished preparing my presentation, have read but haven’t started STUDYING one course, just began one (and is having a hard time) and haven’t finished the other, I start to do what I do best: cry (yes I’m a crier). Why, because at that moment I’ve come to the end of my capabilities. I’ve done all I can and still haven’t reached the mark (I see failing in my near future and my biggest and maybe only fear is failure). But that’s where I went wrong. I’ve once again been reminded that only God is finite.
Ever since I knew myself as a child growing up, I’ve (for the most part) been self reliant and independent. I do everything for myself even when I can’t. So now that I’m a new creature, no longer my own, and should be leaving all things at the feet of who I belong to, it is difficult. In fact at the moment my self-reliance is the thorn in my flesh. I say everyday that I trust God and in fact I barely do because I’m too busy trying to control and do all things by myself as if I am the one who’s in control. While I’m not pleased with this finding I am happy, because this time I realized where I’m going wrong and for the first time, I just dropped the text book, notebook, pencil and iPad and started pouring out to God in prayer. I asked him to forgive me while admitting that I’ve fallen short in trusting him and with never ending tears rolling down my cheeks I begged him to take this cup from me. I cried and asked to help me to lean not to my own understanding but in all my ways acknowledge him and (trust that) he will direct my path (Proverbs 3:5).
I said all that to say, many times we profess a thing believing it’s so but our omniscient Saviour knows it’s not. I implore us to put our faith and trust to the test. Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11:1). Therefore if you can see a way out, if you can see the end, it’s not faith. Let’s not continue to deceive ourselves and from henceforth continually check to ensure that we’re walking in the spirit and not the flesh because at that point the natural thing will be to Trust God instead of our own.
I do hope by sharing my shortcomings you can learn and improve upon your walk with Christ. Have a blessed night guys! And do keep me in your prayers. 😘
http://youtu.be/1m_sWJQm2fs – Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United